Wrong Redone
by Slip of the hand
Summary: Rodney has the research. And he knows its wrong. Part of him... doesn't care. He's wrong. Now with 50 percent less SUCKage! Revised and redone, rather diff now, in the way that it's the same. Oneshot. Unrequited. R&R plz


Wrong.

Stargate: Atlantis.'

Really has no time frame, except that Carson is still alive and Rodney and Katie are together.

This shouldn't really be mature. Oneshot.

Wrong. All of his life, Dr. Rodney McKay knew that there was something wrong about him. Little feelings when he was younger, more nieve, that he got here and there around people, emotions that he couldn't place. That he wasn't a people person only made placing them that much harder, seeing as no one gave him the time of day.

At first he thought it was some sort of attraction, but when they began to crop up around both his own and the opposite sex, he deduced that he might have been wrong; no one really talked about it, but he had heard how wrong loving the same sex was. It took him almost to high school to figure out that he had been right earlier in his youth and the knowledge had hit him hard.

After he found out that guys held his interest just as well as women, he took it upon himself to research. Homosexuality was not commonplace nor accepted, especially in his household. He found several religious sights that screamed against it, easily ignored, but the medical reports struck him. There were so many things that could come with male-male couplings and he made up his mind then never to come to that point; however, logic was, as usual for all teenagers, overruled by hormones and he figured out that his body really thought that it was a nifty this he should really try.

He was able to suppress his urges throughout high school and was proud of himself; though this achievement was largely helped out by his cranky, cutting, head geek status then by any attempt he might have made. By the time he got his doctorate, he had only been with a few women, only one that he could claim as serious. Men were out of the question and by that time his logic was up and running, steam rolling whatever weakness his body might retain. His violent spurring of his attractions, however, reflected in the way of not many friendships, which were rarely given the ability to even start. By the time he was working at Area 51, he was single, a fact that continued up until Atlantis; Russia gave few opportunities for... anything really; well, other then that one lady...

Once on Atlantis with the major crisis' out of the way, thoughts once again began to pop up. He had been chosen for the primer team, which was comprised of two other males and Teyla. He was fine up until friendships started to get involve. There was nothing new to Rodney about physical attraction by this time, and for the most part, he didn't care to hide them, lest they were male. He'd had his body get attached to the wrong sex for the whole of his life for many people, but their where three that started to scare him.

First was that doctor, Carson Beckett. They had met earlier at the Ancient outpost in that arctic wasteland. The doctor didn't look half bad and the cheery demeanor had a calming effect on the physicist. There was a friendship in the making but one look at the good scottsman as he talked to a pretty girl, a female military officer or lesser scientist or someone of that _gender_, and he knew that it would be nothing more then friends. However, just like his youth, his body really didn't care. However, repression was his friend and they had a nice giving relationship that spanned the years and he simply worked through it.

As bad as Rodney was at hiding his feelings, sexual emotions and feelings that deep he had mastered. If he didn't want someone to know, they wouldn't. That way, by the time they were settled on the ancient city, the friendship between the foreigners was strong as ever and his feelings well on their way to being forever buried.

Sadly enough, his second just had to be is second in command, Radek. He had worked beside the scrawny Czech in the earth outpost and many times spent time with him as they figured out the Ancient technology. The Czech's fast wit and callous against his own biting comments had endeared him also. And that the scientist had a brilliance almost to his level also was a plus. But again, his hope (fleeting and repressed and _stomped on and shot at_ as it was) died an even more pathetic, almost fiery, death as he began to notice the frequent passes at Dr. Weir and a few of the botanists. Rodney was beginning to see a trend as his body continued to react to the total lack of stimulus; he was merely thankful that it didn't react at a visual level like it had in high school and simply contented itself to hormone output.

The last straw was his team mate, Shepperd. John was the first friend after Carson, the two of them quickly bonding over what seemed to be nothing. They had had several rough and tumble moments, which in retrospect was probably a given since they were both at the extreme end of stubborn, but always preserved in the end. Rodney never got even the faintest stirring of hope, as the Colonel was in the American military and had made it glaringly obvious that he liked women... alot. And often; wither his admitted it or not was completely besides the point.

And Rodney could find no fault with them. When Cadman was in his head, the feelings had been so far buried that she hadn't even felt a twinge of them. He was both proud and saddened at the revelation and had allowed some emotion to show towards the botanist, Katie. She was nice, kind, and was able to ignore his cutting comments pretty well. He was enamored by her, but only slightly; in comparison, she was like a Dart blip in the shadow of a Hive.

But it was better then nothing. He could love her, he figured. She was the only one other then the three that got a good amount of compassion out of him and he was determined to make it work. After a while and a couple of dates, he even convinced himself that he was falling for her. His feelings of euphoria were dampened on nights after a hard mission though. Everytime he had to hide as a collective with his team, pressed up body to body to John, his body would imprint it, not letting it go. For a while after that, Katie would feel wrong, her body too small, too frail.

After intense missions where he got in fights, whether with Radek or John, Katie's soft understanding and patient voice sound out of place, her hands too lithe and emotions too feminine. When she spoke he wanted the gruffness to sound, he wanted understanding in the way that he wasn't being coddled but put back into place, restored.

When he got hurt, from an ancient device on the city or off world, Carson was the one he trusted. When the Scotsman said you were going to pull through, he meant, whether or not it would be easy. He was truthful, trusting, knew his stuff, even if Rodney jabbed him about it. Anything Carson said was immediately trusted if it can to the physical state of others, whether or not he questioned the Scott.

All in all, the occasions where Katie felt right in his arms, when her appreciated her soft voice and coddling manner, when he didn't wish for something with more tone and roughness were fewer then he would ever admit. And if in the night he felt the residual warmth of his friends and wished, felt the rough hands grabbing him, the harsh horse voices shouting at him, helping him, healing him... who was he to tell?

Besides, it was wrong.

* * *

AN: So, I got a reply the first time I posted this, and really, it sucked, so you know, I don't blame y'all for not commenting more. Anyway, I had this in mind for his thought process;

He is highly intellgent and doesn't bow down to conventional norms; right got that. But, in a way, he really really does. Steriotype mindset of dumb blondes, seems to think that if a woman is pretty they should be there for him to look at( though I can go with the thought that this is merely his ego talking), and all of the women he is attracted to are kinda frail in comparrison to him, the steriotypical, strong man, beautiful strong will but utimately weaker woman. So, in that way at least he was influenced by his time. And really, even if you hate your family, they still shap how you think when your a kid. Being called a lesbian still feels like an insult to me because of my childhood, ect.

Plus, it's Rodney, hypocondricate to the extreme; if you ever get froggy and look up the dangers of gay sex, there is not one good thing said about it in medical journals and they really make it sound disgusting if the writter is not a gay rights advocate. Just saying, something like that would def. freak a high schooler out.

Anyway, please read and review, if you liked or disliked. :)


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